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 Rating 7/10 |
Starwars
Trilogy "A long time ago
in a galaxy far, far away....
This is the remake of the original trilogy with all the new spangley special effects and graphics. You may have already seen these, quite big apparently. |
(1977) Directed by Tagline: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away... Cast overview Mark Hamill |
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 Rating 8/10 |
Sundown,
The Vampire in Retreat "THE WILD WEST, WHERE MEN ARE MEN AND VAMPIRES SUCK.All hell is about to break out in Purgatory... With vampires and cowboys, wooden bullets, bottled blood, sunglasses and stetsons there's bound to be one heckof a showdown after sundown. Vampires at high noon - now they've got to fight for the right to bite!"
Another comedy horror great. This is a real genre splitter - a vampire western! It's even got Bruce Campbell in it! |
(1989) Directed by Tagline: There's two kinds of folks in Purgatory. Vampires and lunch. Cast overview David Carradine |
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 Rating 2/10 |
Spaceballs "The gags and spoofy special effects fly at "ludicrous speed" as Mel Brooks boldly goes where no comic genius has gone before! The 'Spaceballs,' a ruthless alien race led by the dastardly President Skroob, are out to steal the air supply from the neighbouring planet, Druidia. Enter Barf the dog-man and handsome space bum-for-hire, lone Starr - and their souped up, intergalactic battle cruiser! Can they save Druidia while rescuing a spoiled Druish princess from a whining little runt named Dark Helmet, on time to pay off a mountainous mound of mozzarella known as Pizza the Hutt? Well, that depends on whether you truly belive in Yoghurt and the power of "The Schwartz!" So explore Spaceballs - and may "The Farce" be with you!"
It amazes me how many people rant about how good this film is. I am finding it difficult not to rant about how bad it is. Even John Candy with a tail can't bring a smile to my face whilst watching this. Rick Moranis should have been eaten buy that demon thing in Ghost Busters as far as I'm concerned. |
(1987) Directed by Cast overview Mel Brooks |
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 Rating 10/10 |
Subspecies "Small hideous creatures of the night, they exist somewhere between hell and earth; not human, not animal, neither dead nor alive, they are abominable mutations... a Subspecies... And when two students from a U.S. university lease an old farmhouse for the research of ancient regional myths and tales, these devils come for them... one by one... and take them to their master deep within his tomb."
I'm not sure if the person who wrote the cover story has actually seen the film, but it's not quite how I remember it. The "Subspecies" do not play a particulary long part in this film. It is however the best vampire film available. If anyone out there has a tape of Subspecies II,III or IV mail me and I will gladly part with a fiver each. (I'll even pay the postage.) |
(1991) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Angus Scrimm |
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 Rating 10/10 |
Subspecies
II, Bloodstone "Continuing after the first "Subspecies", a woman who has just become a vampire tries to escape the evil vampire, Radu, who seeks her as his love interest. But she has taken the vampire family's bloodstone, and now Radu must find her to get it back. While her sister comes to Romania to save her soul. It might be to late...."
We are introduced to Radu's mother in this sequel. You can see where he gets his good looks from now. And the dribbling habits. |
(1993) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Anders Hove |
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 Rating 10/10 |
Subspecies
IV, Bloodstone "The most savage vampire masters of all time have returned from their unholy rest in the final battle for the Bloodstone. Radu Vladislas has awakened once again to exact his bloody revenge upon those who have betrayed his reign of evil. After escaping Radu's foul lair, Michelle has lost hope for salvation as the last of her humanity slips away. Aided by her mortal friend Ana, Michelle's desperate journey leads her to a vampire slayer/doctor in Bucharest who promises relief from her unquenchable thirst for blood. While searching for his beloved fledgling, Radu travels to Bucherest, reclaiming the riches of his protege Ash has amassed in the Vladislas name. Ash has enjoyed more than a century of power and decadence as a vampire king, but must now yeild to his vile master. Ash's hatred of Radu intensifies with every tortured breath as he prepares to fight beyond death to protect his empire of blood. Michelle and her friends are about to be swept up in a wave of carnage... as the war of the undead begins."
Top Notch sequel. In my opinion this is top rate viewing. What more could you possibly want. Anders Hove (Radu) is splendid in this final sequel. Vampires killing vampires - and winning (?). |
(1998) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Anders Hove |
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 Rating 7/10 |
Slaughter
High "A mysterious invitation lures ten old friends to a school reunion. The date is April 1st - grim anniversary of a gruesome Fool's Day prank that left Marty hideously scarred and condemned to a lifetime's imprisonment in the local asylum. Together again in the dark and now deserted corridors of Doddsville County High, the class mates quickly realise that this is no ordinary reunion. Somewhere in the shadows lurks a murderer; a brutal killer in a fool's mask who, as the night wears on, will be claiming his victims one by one. Somebody's playing the fool at Slaughter High! But no one's laughing now."
Typical let's get the geek type film. A good example of a slasher film. |
(1986) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Caroline Munro |
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 Rating 6/10 |
The
Sleeping Car "When Jason McCree returns to college, he decides to live in an interesting old train carriage in Mrs Ericson's backyard. But this is no ordinary home. Once a sleeping car of a train driven by an evil engineer, 'The Mister', it has seen some terrible events and blood chilling murders, and the spirits still have not been laid to rest. Jason and several of his college friends encounter the terrifying power of 'The Mister' and it becomes Jason's mission to try to exorcise the horrific poltergeist forever..."
Not bad. Nothing too exciting but for a few gruesome scenes. |
(1990) Directed by Cast overview David Naughton |
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 Rating 8/10 |
Scream "Critically acclaimed as the definitive thriller of the '90s from master of the genre Wes Craven, SCREAM will terrify you beyond belief! The residents of a picturesque small town are being victimised by a sly psycho with a twisted love for scary movies. As this masked predator continues to mimic horror films with real life acts of terror, it becomes clear that solving this mystery is going to be murder! An instant favourite with audiences for its unique style and edgy humour, this chilling one of a kind thriller will make you laugh until you ... SCREAM."
Drew Barrymore, Neve Campbell and the skinny one from friends are superb in this film. I'm not sure it's the 'Definitive horror of the 90's' but it certainly is a very enternaining 90 minutes. (106 really). |
(1996) Directed by Tagline: Cas overview David Arquette |
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 Rating 2/10 |
Spasms "Millionaire Jason Kincaid jolted awake from a feverish nightmare of sickening evil. The menacing sound of primitive drums and grotesquely-painted natives screeched in frenzy as a witch doctor taunted the Gaurdian of the Gates of Hell to appear. Jason needed the snake in America to end his bizarre telepathic link with it: he witnessed every death through the serpent's eyes. A demon serpent rose from the flames of a tribal bonfire and with uncontrollable blood thirsty fury, struck into the tribesmen, bringing death in a frenzy of destruction. On board the ship bringing the serpent to the U.S., a curious sailor received a pin-prick scratch from the deadly cargo. The poison scared through the man's body hideously deforming him until, with his veins glowing and his body burning up, he sought the solace of the sea to escape his torment. At the University where the demon was temporarily being studied, a bizarre snake worshipping religious cult attempted to seize the cargo when it smashed it's way out into the night, the ultimate terrifying death. The Guardian of the Gates of Hell was free."
Blah, blah blah. Oh sorry, it's finished waffling now has it. Well, how can I sum up this film in a short space. Here goes.... |
(1983) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Peter Fonda |
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 Rating 5/10 |
Society "Billy's been seeing things that defy reality. Is it his imagination, or did his parents, his sister and the college playboy really join in a hideous event of sex and murder? Tonight Billy is going to find out the truth. Tonight there's a party being thrown in his honour. Tonight Billy is going to become one with Society... and he's going to discover it's all a matter of good breeding!"
Yuk comes to mind. Don't watch this while eating a pizza. |
(1989) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Billy Warlock |
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 Rating 4/10 |
The Secret of the Sahara "With an internationally acclaimed all-star cast... Secret of the Sahara is pure action, adventure and romance on the grand scale. Michael York is Desmond Jordan. Adventurer and Archaeologist. He's on the hunt for the mystical Talking Mountain and the legendary treasures. The desert is a dangerous place - murderous deserters from the foreign legion, El Hallem and his desert pirates, the Men from the Mountain and Caliph of Timbuktu all conspire to stop Jordan reaching his goal."
Michael York, Ben Kingsley, Andie MacDowelll and David Soul. Its like getting hot toffee, prawns, beer and mint and chucking it all together. Lots of great acting talent added together does not make a great film. And why did they chose a guy called Desmond to be their hero? Desmond? |
(1988) Directed by Cast overview Michael York |
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 Rating 3/10 |
Slave Girls From Beyond Infinity "In a galaxy not far away, big space galleys roam through outerspace, manned by convict slave girls doomed to a hellish existence of torture, helpless against the desires and whims of their masters. From one such ship, our two beautiful slave girls break for freedom aboard a stolen starship..... A forced crash landing throws the girls into a nightmare world of death traps, mutants, robots and fantazoid monsters, and "Zed" the greatest hunter in the cosmos. Guess who's next to be hunted? Will they escape, will they ever be properly dressed? This suspense and more powers the cosmic adventures of the Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity."
I bought this for the indepth story line and the great review it had in the Times. Honest. |
(1987) Tagline: Cast overview Elizabeth Kaitan |
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 Rating 7/10 |
Spookies "A hideously beautiful giant spider devours her human prey, deathly demons, grizly gremlins and twisted souls are conjured up in the dark recesses of your mind while the outrageous and ferocious muck men wreak havoc from the bowels of the earth. And before the night is out, a parade of spookies will emerge to cause mayhem in a non-stop revelation of stunning special effects. Nothing you have ever witnessed before on the screen could prepare you for this ultimate experience in ghoulish horror and unrelenting fun. So be warned - and be spooked..."
This is what my collection is all about. Great special effects(?) Great story(?) and real horror(?) |
(1987) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Felix Ward |
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 Rating 4/10
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Satan's
Dog "Pure greed festered inside her. All that money, the properties, the shear unadulterated wealth was taunting her day and night. She had to possess it! No-one would stand in her way and survive. That's when she screamed her oath to the devil. The dog's nostrils sifted the night air - it had scented the warm blood of it's first victim!!!"
This is typical, some woman asked for the Devil's help and all he did was send Cujo to play with her. You just can't get the staff anymore. The tagline only makes sense when you consider the Americans called this film Play Dead. |
(1985) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Yvonne De Carlo |
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 Rating 4/10 |
Scaremaker "College Parties are reknowned for fun and games. This year's fancy dress party is no exception, and everyone who's anyone turn's up. Part of the fun is to mix, mingle, drink and sing. One of the games is a treasure hunt, with clues broadcast over the campus radio. The treasure hunt begins, with cryptic clues given out every half an hour. Only the very bright can work out the clues, and make their way to the obscure hiding places ... to find someone waiting for them. The fun and games have only just begun!"
College Parties are a must for B-Grade horror flicks. |
(1984) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Julia Montgomery |
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 Rating 6/10 |
Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger "Sinbad sails into Charnak seeking permission from Prince Kassim to wed his sister, Farah but Kassim has been placed under a spell by their fiendish stepmother Zenobia. In order to break the spell, Sinbad must journey forth on a journey unlike any other travelled. Among the creatures that Sinbad encounters - and battles - are the Minaton, a bronze colossus; an army of fleshless ghouls; a mammoth-sized walrus; a giant troglodyte; a sabre toothed tiger; and an almost human baboon that is really the spell-bound Prince!"
The army of flesh eating ghouls are superb - excellent casting. |
(1977) Directed by Patrick Wayne |
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 Rating 6/10 |
7th Voyage of Sinbad "The legendary Sinbad's incredibly adventures continue in this spectacular epic. Sinbad, bold sailor and prince of Baghdad, sets out for the mysterious island of Colossa where he hopes to obtain the egg of a roc - a fierce giant bird. The egg will help restore to normal size the princess Parisa who has been reduced to the size of a man's thumb by the evil magician, Sokurah. On Colossa, Parisa liberates the Genie of the magic lamp and together, Sinbad, Parisa and the Genie battle a man eating cyclops, a two headed roc, a fire breathing dragon and a skeleton brought to life by Sokurah. All of these creatures must be defeated before Parisa can be restored."
Again, superb special effects by Ray Harryhausen, make this a classic sunday afternoon watch. |
(1958) Directed by Tagline: Cast overview Kerwin Mathews |
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Rating 6/10 |
Shadows
in the Garden
"A dark shadow has been cast over the small coastal town of Cthulu Gardens, as a scythe wielding terror is on the loose, and many fear he has claimed their own sheriff! This no-budget short film, written and directed by Wayne Spitzer, shows an innovative and experimental side seldom seen in big budget Hollywood horror. It's a reincarnation / coming of age story told through a monsters perspective amidst a murderers sadistic killing spree. Serendipitously following a swath of destruction -- which leads him to discover his true identity -- the botanical beast known as "Sylkk", must confront his puzzling past before cutthroat Cthulu strikes the one most dearest, the "monsters" own beloved!"
My copy of this arrived via airmail. I think it must have been nuked by US customs as the quality was poor. That said, it didn't detract from the film, there's nothing I like more than a grown man dressed as a tree running around in the rain (so much rain). |
(2000)
Directed by Cast overview Wayne Spitzer |
